Memories
by Cole224
Summary: This is a crossover. and one of those weird ones. Someone comes looking for Dean, but they don't know him as Dean.
1. Chapter 1

This is a story that I wrote a long time ago and never posted anywhere, so it is set in season two after Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things because that's when I wrote it. It's a crossover. 

Don't own anything.

* * *

She glanced up from packing her things, frustration in her eyes.

"I have to do this. I have to find out what happened to him. Why he disappeared." She stuffed a pair of jeans in her bag.

"Why do you have to do this?" He asked, frustrated. "You saw the police report. He's been gone for a while now. He's dead. Why do you want to torture yourself with the details?"

"Because." She said, turning to face him. "I can't put this...him behind me till I know why he died." He was silent for a moment.

"Fine, but I'm going with you." She shook her head.

"No, you can't." She said.

"Why not?" He asked, frustrated now.

"Because, I have to do this alone. I have to find out the truth. For myself. I'll be back soon. I need you to help take care of things while I'm gone." He watched her as she went back to getting ready, feeling a pain in his heart for something he could never have. But maybe, after she put this behind her...He sighed.

"Just be careful." She smiled sadly at him.

"Your not going to tell me about how this is to big a risk? About emotions only getting me in trouble?" He shook his head.

"I'd be a hypocrite if I did."

"I really am sorry. But I need to know the truth. And the only way to find it is to find Sam Winchester. "

* * *

Dean lay in bed, thinking. He knew Sam was worried. He couldn't sleep. Laying it out on the line for Sam hadn't done anything but make Sam worry incessantly. The fact that he was supposed to be dead two times over now kept playing in his head. He'd cheated death twice and two people were dead because of it, because of him.

One of them his own father. He sighed, closing his eyes in an effort to get to sleep. He flipped over on his stomach. They were heading out in the morning to check out disappearances in Indiana. He needed to sleep. But no matter what he did, he couldn't get his brain to shut off.

Ever since his dad had died, that thought had been playing in his head. He'd finally spilled to Sam not four hours ago. He'd held out for nearly a month before finally cracking.

Sam did help, he supposed. Just by being there, not that Dean would ever admit that out loud, but it still wasn't enough to get his brain to quiet down. He grit his teeth and made an effort to lock out his emotions.

It was a trick he'd perfected over the years. It didn't ever work for long, but usually long enough for him to at least find some peace.

He drained his face of it all and locked his emotions behind a door in his mind. It still took him forever to fall asleep, though.

* * *

Sitting on her motorcycle, she shoved her sunglasses on top of her head. She had gotten to this point, now she was hesitating in going inside. Chewing her lip, she watched the door of the motel.

She had been waiting for this for nearly three years. Waiting to find out what happened. Why he left. Why he died. She didn't buy what they had said on the news.

It actually wasn't until after he left that she realized how much she depended on him, and his disappearance had sort of brought her to a stand still. She knew that she would never be able to move on if she didn't find closure first.

She had learned a little about Sam Winchester before coming here. Learned that he had moved around a lot as a kid before going to college and then dropping out when his girlfriend died in a fire. So, maybe she had just learned basic facts. Whatever.

Straitening her back she got off her bike and strode towards the motel door. When she knocked and the door opened, however, she got one of the biggest shocks of her life. She found herself staring into familiar dark green eyes.

"Alec?" She whispered, in awe. Alec blinked at her, and then frowning.

"Who are you?"

I am sorry this is so freaking short, but it is just to see if anyone might like to read this kind of story.


	2. Chapter 2

"Who are you?" Max didn't really register what he said, all she was really registering was the fact that he was there, in front of her. She stood there, just staring at him for several seconds, in shock. 

She found herself stuck between two impulses. The first was to punch the son of a bitch for making her think he was dead, for just leaving without an explanation.

In the end, though, the second impulse won out and she found herself launching herself at him. Not to hit him, but to wrap her arms around his neck. She was in shock, after all. Her judgment was off.

It was a few seconds when she noticed the fact that he was stiff under her arms, and then he patted her back awkwardly. She blinked and pulled back, staring at him.

"Uh, lady, I think you might be looking for someone else." He said. The statement brought her out of her shock, at least partway and she scowled at him, suddenly angry.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Her hands fisted at her sides. She might still hit him. He seemed to notice this, too, because he brought up his hands.

"Look, I don't know what your problem is, but I don't know you." Max's scowl deepened and she opened her mouth to respond, and then closed it when she noticed someone else in the room. A younger man who was extremely tall that she recognized from the pictures that she had gotten during her research.

She shoved past Alec with a little more force than necessary, forcing him to stumble back. She turned back to Alec and gestured to Sam Winchester.

"So, what? He doesn't know, is that why your doing this? Dean?" She crossed her arms over her chest. Alec blinked at her and she saw a look pass between the two men. He cocked his head to the side.

"How do you know my name?" He held up a hand when she opened her mouth. "Oh, I got that you think I'm your boyfriend, but I've never seen you before."

"He's not-I mean, your not-" She scowled again and looked up and met his eyes. And, holy crap, was that guanine confusion in his dark green eyes? And suspicion. Her scowl turned into a frown as she watched him, and then she walked purposely over to him.

She looked him over and walked around him, giving her a chance to glimpse the back of his neck. He followed her, though, his green eyes never leaving her but for a second. She saw what she needed, though.

His barcode was gone. And, sure, they could laser them off, but there was more to it than that. What the hell was going on? She chewed her lip for a second.

"Sorry." She mumbled after a moment, and then she fled the room as fast as she could.

* * *

Dean raised an eyebrow and looked over at Sam when the girl left the room.

"What the hell was that?" Sam asked, looking a little dumbfounded. Dean shrugged, looking just as confused.

"Chick was crazy, that's for sure." He said.

"Yeah, but she knew your name, Dean." Dean shrugged again.

"Pretty sure that after what happened in St. Louis anyone could find out my name."

"Yeah, well. We should still get out of here. That was definitely not normal. Why take the risk?"

* * *

Max sat with her legs hanging down on top of the building across from the motel that he was in. She still couldn't believe this was happening.

When she first realized that he didn't recognize her she had the thought that she had made a mistake. That he didn't recognize her because it wasn't Alec in there. That he was just some guy who looked like Alec.

But, really, she couldn't fool herself. She knew Alec. Knew his eyes and the way he moved and even his scent. No, that was Alec, he just didn't remember being Alec. Which wasn't possible, was it?

She had sensed it too, when she was in there. His memories weren't the only thing that was gone, everything was. His barcode, his strength, everything that made him transgenic. Which definitely wasn't possible. It was apart of his genes. You couldn't suppress a persons genes, could you?

Except, after everything that she had learned and everything that had happened after she had escaped from Manticore, she had come to believe that anything was possible. And then there was the fact that Dean Winchester wasn't just an alias he was using. He actually believed he was this guy.

It was a little mind blowing. She had learned a lot about Sam and Dean Winchester after someone had sent her that news report last year. She had thought that Alec had faked the documents, after all that wasn't to hard, you just needed a lot of cash.

Well, the documents were fake, obviously, it was just that Alec didn't do it. But why the hell would someone else do it, then? And how did they do it? This wasn't just memory loss, someone had actually constructed whole new memories for him starting from when he was a baby.

Max brought her knees up as she watched the motel door, lost in thought. She wondered what he was like. He would still act mostly the same, she was sure. But at the same time, maybe not. After all, it was you experiences that made you who you are, right?

Except, Alec didn't really experience all of those things that he remembered Dean Winchester doing. She frowned and rubbed a hand across her head. All of this was giving her a headache.

The bottom line was that she had a decision to make now. Whether or not to pursue this. She had missed him, and she hadn't really known how much he meant to her until she had realized that he was gone, but how could she bring him back if he was happy. If he had a family?

How could she make him remember all of the horrible things he had gone through as Alec?

* * *

Dean packed his things, lost in thought. His mind kept drifting back to that girl. And not really because he was suspicious of her. He was, but there was something strange about her that he couldn't put his finger on.

He knew for a fact that he had never met her. No, he was pretty sure that he would remember that.

"Dean. You okay?" Sam pulled him out of his thoughts and Dean blinked up at him, nodding.

"I'm fine, Sam." He said, putting the last of his things away and zipping his bag. He slung his bag over his shoulders, and sighed.

Dean was putting their things in the trunk when he tensed and could feel someone behind him. He turned to meet the woman from before. She held up her hands, keeping a few feet away.

"Don't worry, I just came to say that I'm sorry." Dean nodded, and he stared at her. His eyes widened slightly when what was so strange about this girl finally kicked in. He kept his face as blank as possible, though.

"Your a transgenic, aren't you?" A slight widening of the eyes on her, and a sharp gasp from his brother was what he got for that question. Dean kept his eyes locked on hers, though.

"How did you know that?" Dean frowned suddenly, unable to help it. How did he know that?

"Doesn't matter." He said, closing the trunk of the car but never taking his eyes off her. "This guy you were looking for? He transgenic too?" She nodded, giving him a strange look.

Dean was silent for a few seconds. It wasn't that he thought all transgenics were evil or something like some people did, but he still didn't know this chick, and she had come barging into his motel room insisting that he was someone he wasn't.

"This guy your looking for, he really look like me? I mean, he would have to look a lot like me for you to mistake me for him, right?"

"Look, what does it matter?" She asked, avoiding the question. "I'm going to go and you wont ever have to see me again." She stepped closer to him.

"I really am sorry if I freaked you out." She said, and stepped up on her toes and surprised him by pressing her lips gently to his. She pulled back just as fast and turned around and walked away. Dean stared after her, a little bit dazed.

"Dean, come on." Sam said after a moment, grabbing his arm and pulling out of the daze. He nodded, going around to the drivers side of the Impala, scratching an itch on the back of his neck as he went.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: A lot of this chapter takes place during Simon Said. I just thought it would be interesting.

* * *

Max collapsed in her bed in TC as soon as she got back. She had avoided the others on her way in, not really wanting to talk to anyone at the moment.

Curling under the blanket, she willed herself not to cry. She had shed enough tears in the confines of her apartment alone over Alec. She had cried when she had realized for the first time what, exactly he meant to her, and when Dix had brought her that damned police video, when she had thought he was dead.

She did the right thing here, she was sure. He had a family now, he wasn't alone. He was happy, he had to be. She had no right to take that away from him.

"Max." She looked up and let out a sigh.

"Zack, I really don't want to talk right now." She said. He nodded, and sat down on the bed next to her. She sighed again. She had wanted to be alone, but that didn't look like it would happen. Zack was even more overprotective than he ever was.

It wasn't that she didn't like having Zack here. And she could have him here, now that Logan was out of her life and the city, but sometimes it was a little bit smothering. Sometimes you just needed to be alone.

She was also uncomfortably aware that Zack wanted something from her that she couldn't give. She never really mentioned it, and neither did he. Something she was grateful for.

Losing Logan had hurt, but at least then she had known it was right, she had finally figured out that they weren't meant for each other. Losing Alec the first time had nearly killed her. Thinking he had died somewhere alone out there.

But he hadn't, and she had to let him go. It hurt, but at least he was alive out there somewhere, and hopefully happy.

* * *

Dean sat straight up in bed, breathing hard. He closed his eyes, trying to get his heartbeat back to normal. He'd had another nightmare. That wasn't his thing, at least not normally, and these were so vague. He just got flashes of things that he couldn't grasp.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Sure, he had nightmares sometimes. You couldn't do this job and not. He had some pretty bad ones right after their dad had died, too. Nightmares were he had to do what his dad had asked before he died.

These were different, though. Not Sam different, but still different. He wasn't even sure what they were about, but he was pretty sure they weren't about Sam or his dad.

He looked over to the other bed and sighed when he found it empty. Looks like he wasn't the only one having nightmares.

He knocked on the bathroom door before opening it and found Sam leaning over the sink. He frowned at the look on Sam's face.

"What?"

* * *

Dean was distracted, of course. They had figured out where to head to solve Sam's vision with help from Ash, and now here he was following some guy who was apparently one of the kids like Sam while Sam followed the shooter from his vision.

Dean couldn't help but to think about everything that was going on. What Sam had said about killers had struck a chord that he didn't know he had, though. When Sam had said that, he had been focused on trying to convince Sam that he wasn't like those other guys, but he had felt something nagging him in the back of his mind the whole time. Like he was missing something.

He stopped the Impala behind Andy's van and waited for the guy to get out. He leaned his head back on the seat and stared out the window. He watched Andy get out of the van and start over to him.

"Hey." Andy said, walking over. "That's a nice ride." Dean flicked his eyes to Andy's.

"Thanks." He said shortly, frowning slightly. There was something wrong here.

"Can I have it?" Dean's frown deepened. He heard it that time. The echo. Something in the back of his head urging him to actually give this guy his car. He shook his head and cleared his face.

"Yeah, sure!" Dean said with fake enthusiasm, and rolled his eyes. And, okay, provoking the guy who could apparently get someone to do anything they wanted wasn't exactly smart, but the guy was pissing him off. He had asked for the car! He saw the confused frown on Andy's face.

"Come on, man." And then he felt it again, and he actually flinched at the force of it. And, okay, this guy was really pissing him off now. Dean jerked the door of the Impala open and stepped out.

"Not workin' for you there, buddy?" He asked, stepping up the guy, who backed away. A horn honking brought Dean's attention to the fact that starting a fight with this guy in the middle of a crowded street probably wasn't the best idea.

"How did you do that?" Andy asked, staring at Dean. Dean shrugged.

"Don't really know or care at the moment. All that I really care about is that your not killing anyone else." Andy frowned.

"What the hell are you talking about? I didn't kill anyone!" Dean frowned, staring at the kid. Something had felt slightly odd about this from the start. Something felt odd about the kid. Dean was still thinking about this when a woman practically fell into him. He caught her and righted her just in time to hear an engine and see Andy drive away.

"Dammit!"

* * *

It was after Sam's vision guy had killed himself that they had tracked down Andy's van again, and now they were sitting in the Impala waiting for the guy to show up. Dean still hadn't told Sam that he was somehow immune to the guys powers, but he was getting there. At least he was until Andy showed up.

"Why are you here? What do you really do for a living?" He asked as soon as he got to the door. Sam started in on his lawyer explanation.

"Tell the truth!" Andy yelled and Dean groaned when the command hit his head. It was like fighting off a sledgehammer.

"Dude, I think you've already tried that one." He said, rubbing his temples angrily. He may not believe that Andy was the killer, but the guy was still pissing him off. Sam looked over at Dean, a little shocked, before he got out of the car.

"Looks like that's not working, is it?" Dean got out of the car and listened as Sam did most of the talking before he grabbed his head and fell forward.

* * *

So, they figured it out soon after that. It wasn't Andy after all, it was actually his twin brother. They found him on a bridge about to make Tracey, Andy's girlfriend jump off.

Sam and Dean both pulled out weapons, and the guy actually smiled.

"You don't want to do this." He said, looking straight into Dean's eyes. That was when he felt it again, only stronger this time. The gun wavered in his hands, but he didn't let go. He groaned at the pressure building in his head.

"Dean." Sam said, glancing over at him. Dean brought one hand off his gun and up to his nose to swipe at the blood there. Sam opened his mouth again, but was cut off when something hit him over the back of the head. Shit, Tracey.

Anson kept his focus on Dean, though and Dean groaned again and fell to his knees. He dropped the gun and brought both hands up to his head. It was pounding ruthlessly now.

The guy smiled and reached out and picked up Dean's gun bringing it up to point it at Dean. When the shot rang out, he expected darkness, instead the pressure let up in his head and he fell back to his butt on the ground, looking up to see Andy holding Sam's gun.

Dean frowned at him through the haze that was still there before he collapsed backwards on the ground.

* * *

_He was in the woods. He jogged swiftly, not making a sound, his team behind him. Holding an arm up, he stopped the others and signaled ahead. The base was ahead...Everything had gone wrong. They had completed the objective, but someone had tripped an alarm on their way out. Now one of his unit mates was dead and they could all follow him if they weren't careful. He caught a guard who had been about to shoot him. Knocking the gun away, he rounded the guy and brought his hands up to the side of his head and twisted..._

Dean woke with a start, breathing hard. He tried to sit up, but a hand on his chest stopped him.

"Easy." Sam said. "You've been out for a while." Dean frowned and sat up slowly, ignoring Sam's protests. He looked around the new motel room and over to Sam. His head still ached, but it was nothing compared the migraine from before.

"You okay?" He asked, looking Sam over.

"I'm fine." Sam said, giving Dean a strange look. "You?"

"Yeah, I think so." He said, rubbing a hand through his hair.

"Dean, how did you do it?" Sam asked, still looking at him strangely.

"Do what?" Sam gave him another look that said quite plainly he knew what he was talking about.

"Dean, we know why I was immune to Andy's powers. How were you?"

"Wasn't totally immune." Dean said, grimacing a little. Sam's eyes hardened a little.

"Dean." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair again.

"I don't know, Sam." He said truthfully. He didn't know that, but he did somehow know it was connected to the things he had been dreaming.


	4. Chapter 4

_Walking up he waited until the door opened. When it did, he looked up to meet dark eyes...He was running up a flight of stairs. He had to get there in time...He held the man's head in his hands, and didn't hesitate in twisting sideways, and hearing the crunch of breaking bones...He walked onwards in the sewers, fingering the knife...He looked down the sights of the rifle. The target was in place. He rested his finger on the trigger. It was almost time...He jumped down and slid down the railing on the stairs and knocking out one of the men as he got to the bottom...He stared straight ahead, not really having a choice. Strapped to the table, he waited for the pain that he knew would come...He ran out the door just in time to see the car explode in front of him. He screamed..._

"Dean, wake up!" Dean sat straight up in bed, breathing hard. He looked around a little wildly, still half asleep before he met Sam's eyes. He sighed, resting his head in his hands.

"Dean"

"I'm alright."

"Your alright? Dean, you were screaming." Dean dropped his hands and looked up at his brother. Dean shook his head, not really knowing how to answer that one when he didn't really know what was going on himself.

"I need a shower." He said instead, getting up and heading for the bathroom.

"Your just going to ignore this?" Sam asked incredulously, sounding pretty angry now. "After what happened the last time you did that? I can't believe you still wont talk to me about what's going on with you? Why can't you just tell me"

"Because I don't know!" Dean yelled, turning back to Sam. Almost immediately after he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's happening to me. I don't know why I was immune to Andy's powers. I don't know why I'm having nightmares. Okay, happy now? I told you."

"Dean-"

"I'm taking a shower"

* * *

Sam sat on the bed after Dean had disappeared into the bathroom. He collapsed back on the bed after a minute.

"Dammit." He mumbled. They just couldn't seem to catch a break. It was one thing after another with them. Their dad had just died. Dean had just confessed his feelings on that to Sam, and now this.

It didn't help that they didn't know what this was. He wondered if it had anything to do with the demon. What if it did? What if what the demon had told them in that cabin wasn't all of it? What if Sam wasn't the only one who was different?

* * *

Dean rested his head against the tile and sighed. He didn't know what was happening to him, but he did know it was freaking him out.

It wasn't just the dreams or the fact that he had fought Andy's powers. That was what he had done, too. He hadn't been immune, he had just fought them somehow.

He had been feeling strange for a while too. He hated not knowing why, hated not feeling in control of his own body.

He had started to notice little things about himself that were really freaking him out and he wasn't sure if he could tell Sam about them.

Like the fact that he had heard Sam through the damn door a minute ago. Like the fact that he was sure that lately he could actually see a little better in the dark.

Turning Dean cursed and punched the tile angrily. Problem was that instead of just hitting the tile and nursing bloody knuckles like he should have, his hand went straight through the wall.

He stood there, mouth hanging open for a few minutes, staring at his hand still in the wall. He pulled his hand out of the wall, a little dazed and stared at it. It didn't even hurt.

* * *

It was that night, after waking up from another nightmare that Dean made a decision. He had to know what was going on, and he had been entertaining an idea that scared the crap out of him for a while now.

He knew that he had dreamed about that girl, though. He had to know. And he couldn't bring Sam with him, not for this.

He felt the guilt eating at him as he placed a note on the bedside table and left the room as quietly as possible.

He was supposed to be protecting Sam and he was leaving him alone. What if something happened while he was gone? What if what his dad warned him about came about and he wasn't there to stop it?

Thing was, though, he wasn't sure he would be able to help anyone until he figured out what was wrong with him. He had to know.

* * *

Dean drove the stolen car through the sector check point. He had left the Impala with Sam. As much as he loved that car, he couldn't leave Sam stranded like that.

He drove through Seattle, looking around. The place was pretty bad. One of the worst, actually. It had been hit pretty hard by the pulse and then chaos had erupted here just a few years ago when the transgenics had set up camp in Terminal City.

That had pretty much died down lately though. He had even heard that the transgenics had practically made Terminal City a real city.

Dean parked the car several yards away from the gates and stared out. Not for the first time, he wondered if this was a mistake. He wondered if it would be better if he let this go because he was sure that he wasn't going to like the answers he got here.

The fact that he could make out all of the guards posted at the gates and the painting on a flag that was waving at the top of a hill inside the city reminded him that he might be willing to let it go, but his body wasn't.

He sighed and got out of the car.

* * *

Max chewed her lip thoughtfully as she looked over everything. Things were running smoothly here now, though.

She smiled slightly. Things had been well for a while now. White was dead, his psycho cult was basically history, and the rest of the population seemed to be getting used to them now.

"Hey, Max." Zack said, grinning at her and sitting down across from her. "It's good to see you smiling again."

"Thanks." She said, and couldn't help it when her smile died. She knew she had been a little bit of a downer lately, but she couldn't help it.

"Max." Mole's voice rang out from the doorway. She looked up and froze.

"Look what I found." Max swallowed and looked up into Al-no Dean's green eyes as Mole shoved him into the room.

"Seems people aren't to happy with me around here." Dean said, looking over at Mole and then meeting Max's eyes. "And I'm betting it's not because I'm not one of you, is it?"

"What are you doing here?" Max asked, standing up and feeling her stomach doing summersaults.

"We need to talk." He said, stepping closer to her and ignoring both Mole and Zack. He stared into her eyes.

"Tell me if it's true. Tell me who I am. Tell me if I am this guy you've been looking for. Alec wasn't it?" Max closed her eyes.

"You need to leave this alone. Just go back and forget about."

"Tell me. Tell me the truth." He said forcefully, taking another step closer to her. Zack started to step in, but Max stopped him with a raised hand. She opened her eyes and stared into his deep green ones.

"Yes. It's true, you are the guy I've been looking for." He nodded, looking away. His face was unreadable, but Max caught the flash of pain and fear in his eyes.

"We need to talk." He said again when he looked back at her. She nodded and felt tears threaten. She may be getting him back, but she was also bringing back everything bad that had ever happened to him, and a lot of bad things had happened to him in his short life.

She took his hand and started leading him away from the room. What else could she do?

"Okay, we'll talk."


	5. Chapter 5

Dean leaned on the wall, arms crossed over his chest and not looking at Max. He waited for her to start, but after a few minutes and nothing he looked over at her. 

"What exactly do you remember anyways?" She asked. "What brought you here." Dean shrugged and sat down in one of the chairs in the room, facing her.

"Just been having weird dreams lately." He said. "Plus I sort of put my hand through the wall the other day and that usually doesn't happen." Max nodded, meeting his eyes a little nervously.

"What do you want to know?" Dean shrugged and stood back up. He paced a little, rubbing a hand across his neck.

"Do you know why?" He asked. "Why I don't remember any of this." He gestured around the office.

"No." Max shook her head. "You just disappeared one day. I looked for you, but you were gone and then I saw that news report..." Dean nodded and sighed. He sat down again and rested his elbows on his knees.

"I can't just forget about it." He said after a moment. "These dreams..." He trailed off and looked up to meet her eyes. He wasn't sure how he should go about this exactly or what he was looking for.

"How do you know me?" He asked finally. Max looked down for a moment.

"Are you sure that you want to know that"

"I'm sure." She nodded and sighed.

"We met inside Manticore. You were sent to my cell."

"Oh." He said, grimacing slightly when a slight headache hit him.

"Why?" He asked, ignoring the headache. "Why was I sent to you?" Max hesitated and met his eyes. Dean blinked and the headache got worse for a second.

_"I'm your breeding partner."_

Dean shook his head at that. He stood up, a little freaked out now. He remembered that. Remembered walking into the room, her cell. Max frowned up at him.

"You alright?" She asked. Dean frowned back at her and shook his head again.

_"...But you did what you had to do, and you tried to forget. And when you couldn't forget they had ways of making you not care." _

_"I'm sorry."_

_"I don't want your pity. I want your absence."_

Dean stepped back as the memories assaulted him, one after another. He remembered a girl, remembered sitting by her bedside while she died.

He remembered Max being there. He remembered her following him to some mansion to settle things.

"You're alright?"

"I'm always alright." He hadn't realized he had said that out loud until he heard Max gasp and he looked over at her.

"I have to go." He said abruptly, leaving the room as fast as he could. He walked through Terminal City, ignoring the transgenics there.

He remembered more now. Just being around Max had dislodged a lot. The problem was he still couldn't connect the memories to himself. It still sort of felt like he was watching another person live out their life.

"Alec!" Max yelled from behind him. Dean sighed and considered for a moment before he turned around to face her. "Ale-" She cut herself off and stared up at him. "I mean Dean." She amended.

"Look, Max." He said, cutting her off before she could say anything. "It was a mistake for me to come here. I'm sorry, but I don't really remember being this guy."

"But back there, you said-" Dean held up a hand.

"Yeah, I have memories, but they don't feel like their mine, get it?" Max opened her mouth to respond when someone came up to her. Dean watched the transgenic, who looked like more lizard than man, as he walked up to Max. He marveled at the fact that a few years ago, before all of this came out to the public, that even he might have been slightly freaked out at the moment.

Then again, he might not if everything Max was saying was true. He might have been living here a few years ago. He might have been friends with all of them.

"I'll see you, Max." Dean said, waving and turning away from her while she was still talking. It was a few minutes later when he was close to the outer gate that she caught up to him again.

"Dean, wait. You shouldn't just leave." She said. He turned to face her again.

"Sorry, Maxie." He said calmly, not noticing the way her eyes widened slightly at the nickname as he turned away again. "I'm not the guy you were looking for after all."

* * *

Max watched him leave, but she didn't feel that familiar ache that she usually felt for losing him. She felt sad, but not for herself, for him.

He may not think that he was connecting the memories, but she knew he was. It was in the way he talked to her, in the way he used her nickname and what she had come to think of as his catch phrase.

She sighed and turned around when he went out of sight. She wanted to chase after him, he shouldn't be alone at the moment, but she was afraid that he would just run from her again.

In the end she was left waiting again. She knew he would be back, or at least she hoped he would be.

* * *

Dean walked through Seattle, lost in thought. He should probably at least call Sam to let him know that he was alright, but he couldn't seem to force himself to call his brother when he could possibly not even be his brother.

That was what was really eating him. His life may not have been the greatest but at least it was his, and to find out that it might not be, that everything he knew was false...

He didn't really understand how it could have happened. Obviously he couldn't have lived both lives so that could only mean one thing. One of them wasn't real.

From everything that had happened he knew which was false too. He didn't even want to think about that, though. He didn't want to think about the fact that Sam wasn't really his brother. That John and Mary weren't really his parents.

What would Sam say about all this? He wasn't even there at all. All the times he thought he had been and he wasn't. From what Max had said it had happened while Sam was in college.

So, there it was, wasn't it? Somehow he had went from a transgenic stuck in Terminal City without a real name, to Dean Winchester. He didn't get it. He knew that whatever had happened, he hadn't done it. So who had?

He thought about everything that had happened over the years, everything that was false and everything that was real. John wasn't even really his dad. The man's death had nearly destroyed him, and he wasn't really his.

He sighed when someone fell into step beside him but didn't look over. He really wasn't in the mood to talk things out.

"Sorry." He said finally. "I just needed to come here."

"You could have just told me that." Sam answered.

"Yeah, but then you would have just insisted on coming with me." He shrugged. Dean saw Sam glare at him out of the corner of his eye.

"What's going on, Dean?" He asked. "What happened to you?" Dean sighed again. "Look, can we talk about this later?" He asked, stopping and turning to Sam. "I really just want to get out of here." Sam hesitated before sighing himself and nodding.

"Fine. But your telling me what's wrong after." Dean nodded distractidly and looked out at the city one more time. His vision focused on the Space Needle.

_"So," he rubbed his hands together and looked over at her, "you got any deep thoughts you want to share? Any profound realizations about life?"_

_"Yeah. Love sucks."_

Dean blinked and shook his head, still staring up at the space needle.

"Dean, you comin'?" Sam called. He nodded again but couldn't help one more glance back at Terminal City as he went.


	6. Chapter 6

Note: Sorry for the wait. And sorry I couldn't reply to the reviews I got last chapter. My email has been messing up and they didn't show up in my inbox. I didn't see them until I checked my account. Thanks to the people who did review, though. 

Dean lay in bed at the motel just outside of Seattle. He had managed to delay telling Sam the real reason why he had come to Seattle but he knew that Sam more than likely would not be giving up on that one.

He couldn't sleep. He was a little bit afraid that if he did, he wouldn't just be dreaming, that he would get more of those memories from a life that he didn't want to lead anymore, that he didn't want to remember.

It had been easier to think of Alec as a separate person, actually. Like he wasn't this guy, had never been. It was easier to think about it and not freak out like that.

He knew that Alec had a shitty life, he had gotten that from the few memories that he had gotten so far, and from what he and the rest of the world knew about transgenics after they had been exposed.

The thing was that he wasn't sure if he could deal with Alec's baggage along with his. The weight of his dads death had been threatening to crush him for the past couple of months and he wasn't sure if he could deal with more piled on.

The thing about it was that he wasn't sure if he could face the fact that John might not have been his dad, either. Or that Sam wasn't really his brother.

John had never really had to ask him to look after Sam, it was his job and he always would. He didn't care what John had said at the hospital, either. There was no way that he could ever hurt Sam, it'd kill him to do it.

If this wasn't his fight, then what was? He had meant what he had said to Max about him not being the same person. He figured that even if it hadn't always been his fight, that it was now.

One thing was for sure, he did not want to tell Sam all of this. Truth was, he was terrified of what Sam might think, that he might look at him like a stranger. He didn't think he could take that either.

It was a lot of that, though. His life hadn't exactly been easy, and if he was completely honest with himself, and seriously if he wasn't then he wasn't going to be honest with anyone, it had nearly driven him over the edge.

He really didn't want to deal with two sets of bad memories along with everything that went along with that. He figured that might drive him off the deep end and maybe Sam would have to have him committed after that.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. That was a little to much, though because as soon as he did, he had the picture of the guy, of Alec in his head.

_"Oh, come on, Max. I'm stuck here. An innocent man, framed for the murder committed by his clone. Hey, I was thinking about selling the story to Hollywood. Make a great TV movie. What do you think?"_

Dean snapped his eyes open and sat up. Okay, that was it. He was never sleeping again.

* * *

Sam got up and started shuffling to the bathroom. He stopped, though, when he saw Dean's empty bed. He frowned. Dean rarely got up earlier than him.

He knew that something was wrong, and that it had something to do with that girl in Seattle. Maybe it had been a mistake to let it go for the moment, but Dean had looked so desperate that Sam couldn't force himself to push him then.

It was probably the memory of Dean, sitting on the hood of the Impala and spilling what his feelings on their dads death. The memory of the broken look in Dean's eyes and tears.

Experience from that told him that Dean might not tell him what was wrong until it was out of control, though. It wasn't just that time, though, Dean had always been like that and it was a little frustrating.

He didn't know if he was ready to start prodding, though. He was still holding out hope that Dean would just tell him the truth, and not some half assed excuse like he had.

He was grabbing his bag when the door opened and Dean came in, holding two coffees and breakfast.

"Hey." He said, sitting the food down and handing over one of the coffees. Sam looked him over and held back a sigh. He had had enough sleepless nights himself to recognize when someone else had.

Dean seemed to interpret the look on Sam's face, though, and his expression changed to one that Sam instantly recognized. He didn't want to talk about it.

"You going to take a shower so we can go?" He asked. Sam did let out the sigh this time and he went into the bathroom.

* * *

Over the next couple of days, Dean had been getting more and more from Alec. That was what he was still thinking of the guy. It hurt his head to much to think of him and Alec as the same person.

He had expected Sam to be all over him for keeping secrets again, but Sam backed off when Dean told him too.

He wasn't really sleeping much, because when he did it got worse. He already knew enough about Alec, he didn't want to start having those nightmares again. It was a little unavoidable, though. Even he had to sleep.

He had learned that Alec was a sarcastic bastard, and really that wasn't much of a stretch, he learned that Alec had gotten out of Manticore when Max had burned the place down, he learned that Alec had probably gotten in some trouble while he was there, and he learned that Alec might have been in love with Max as well.

Thinking of the guy as a separate person was made easier by the fact that he wasn't connecting these memories to himself. He got the memory, just not the emotion and thoughts behind them. Unless that was, he was asleep.

Every time he slept, he had dreams about it, and that was when he connected the memories. That was when he stopped being Dean and started being Alec. That was why he was definitely not sleeping.

The problem was, the more that came back physically, the worse the dreams got. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hide this from Sam for simply that. The barcode hadn't came back yet, but he was getting other things. Like the strength, vision, hearing, all that.

It wasn't a real surprise when he fell asleep at the table in the motel room they had rented in Tennessee. After all, he had been up for nearly two nights already.

The dream he had that night wasn't like his others. It didn't jump from one thing to another and again for at least a little while, he was Alec.

_He sat down carefully at the table. Mole and several of the others were wondering around talking about defenses but he couldn't bring himself to at the moment._

_He shifted and grimaced slightly when the movement jarred broken ribs. This was so fucked up. Despite Max's earlier statements of hope and the fight for the future, they were still stuck in this city and White was still out there with his breeding cult psychos._

_Usually, he wasn't the pessimist, he left that up to Max, but he was freaking tired. His shoulder was stiff and his ribs ached and okay, maybe it was more than that._

_He spared a glance Max's way. She was at the head of the table, talking to Logan. He thought the glove thing was kind of creepy himself, but he guessed if Max was happy...Plus he kind of had bigger problems._

_He pulled his arm into his lap and sighed. The wound had actually gotten worse_ _after his fight with that bitch in the JamPony siege, it had broken open, and now his whole arm was stiff. He may have all those superhuman heeling genes but even he had his limits._

_"You okay?" He looked up to see Max standing beside him. He blinked up at her. When had she moved? "Yeah, I'm alright." She frowned._

_"Fine, whatever." She shifted on her feet, and he stood up, and wavered slightly, his head spinning. She reached out and grabbed his shoulder, her frown turning to a scowl._

_"Right, your fine." She snapped. He focused on her, and was surprised when her eyes softened slightly._

_"You need to find some place and get some sleep, Alec." She said. He rolled his eyes, and then wished he hadn't when his head spun slightly again._

_"I said I was fine, Maxie. Didn't know you cared so much." She smiled at him._

_"I don't. I just need you one hundred percent if we're going to get this place in order." _

_"Right." Max shook her head._

_"Alec, get some sleep, that's an order." _

_"Yessir."_

A hand on his shoulder woke him up and he shot backwards, falling out of the chair and hitting the floor with a thump. For a moment, he wasn't sure where he was and then his eyes landed on Sam. Oh, right. Not TC, some motel in Oregon.

Sam stared at him for several minutes, but Dean jumped up before he could say anything. He went into the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror, trying to see any changes. He didn't have to see the barcode to know it was there, on the back of his neck, though.

"So, you going to tell me what the hell is going on now?" Sam asked, appearing in the doorway.

Dean met his eyes for a moment before turning his gaze away and relenting. He nodded slightly. What else could he do?


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, so here is the big Sam and Dean talk.

* * *

Dean sat on one of the beds, silent. He had agreed to talk, but now he wasn't sure if he could, wasn't sure if he could get the words out. Sam sat watching him, for once silent himself, waiting. Dean let out a breath, dreading Sam's reaction to all this.

"I think..." He wiped his hands nervously on his jeans and his gaze darted away from Sam's. "I think that chick wasn't so crazy after all." Sam watched him, his expression unreadable, but he couldn't take the emotion out of his eyes. Dean could see the worry there.

"What do you mean?" He asked finally, and sounding like he didn't want to hear the answer.

"I think I am, well I was, this guy she was looking for." A frown appeared on Sam's face.

"But the guy she was looking for was transgenic." Sam said dumbly, his eyes wide. Dean nodded.

"I know that." Sam shook his head.

"And she said she'd known him for years."

"Yeah." Sam stared at his brother for several more seconds.

"This is a joke, right? Because that is not possible. I'm pretty sure I remember growing up with you, Dean." Dean shifted and rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, still refusing to look Sam in the eye.

"I don't know what happened, Sam. But she was telling the truth, she was right. I'm not..." Dean trailed off, unable to say the words out loud. Sam seemed to get what he was saying, though.

"That's not possible." He repeated and Dean sighed, frustrated. He turned his head after a moment and showed Sam the barcode that he knew was there.

"Came back earlier. After I fell asleep." Sam shook his head again and stood up abruptly, starting to pace.

"Your telling the truth."

"You really think I would joke about something like this?" He asked, glancing up at his brother, who was no longer looking at him. Sam was silent for a couple of minutes. He ran a hand through his hair.

"How long?" He asked finally, voice not quite sounding like his own. Dean hesitated, and Sam turned to him. "How long?" He asked again, more forcefully.

"Three years." He said finally. Sam let out a sort of strangled noise and dropped back into a sitting position on the bed.

"So, your not my brother?" Dean flinched and had to look away from him again. Sam wasn't really looking at him either, and he wasn't really aware if he had said the question out loud. When he focused on Dean again, his eyes were hard.

"Your not angry?"

"Angry?"

"Someone messed with our heads, Dean! Changed our entire lives." Dean looked back at Sam and he couldn't help the pain that bloomed in his chest at the words. At the implication that maybe Sam wished he had been an only child. It took him a little bit to find his voice.

"I'm not angry." He said quietly. "I think maybe it's a good thing." He said a little tentatively. He was never really good at expressing emotions but he really hoped he was getting the message across.

"We should really get some sleep." Sam said abruptly, his eyes guarded in a way that they never had been with Dean. Guarded like they were around strangers.

* * *

Sam wasn't sure how he felt about all of this. He was freaked out, that was for sure and he was trying to get past that to work it out, but he kept coming back to the fact that maybe Dean wasn't really his brother and that someone had screwed with their heads in a major way.

He knew that Dean wasn't sleeping but he didn't want to talk right now. He had to wrap his brain around this first.

His thoughts were a little bit to scattered right now, though, and he kept coming back to bits and pieces of the conversation. He was still a little bit to in shock to work it out properly, to really even think about what this meant for them.

He reached up and scrubbed a hand across his face, trying desperately to scrub away those traitorous thoughts away too. The ones that wondered what life had been like without Dean growing up.

He felt guilty even thinking about it, but he couldn't help it. What would life had been like without Dean? Would he still be the same person? How could he not be if the memories he had of growing up with Dean weren't real?

He remembered that Dean had practically raised him. He remembered Dean promising countless times to always protect him. He remembered Dean protecting him from the truth for as long as he could. He remembered that look on Dean's face when he had walked out the door five years ago to go to college.

Experiences, that was what made you who you were, so what was he without Dean? What had he been? And did he really want to know the answer to that question?

His thoughts drifted away from that topic and to his brother and everything that he had gone through. Practically raising Sam, hunting alone after he went to college and dad disappeared on him, watching mom die, the deal that their dad had made to save Dean's life.

Sam propped himself up on his elbows and looked over at Dean, for the first time wondering if Dean was better off with this life.

* * *

Dean lay there on the bed with his eyes closed, but not asleep. He couldn't sleep even if he wanted to. His mind kept flashing back to that picture of Sam's face when he realized that Dean was serous about all this.

He felt a little broken, deflated, empty. If he didn't have Sam, he didn't have anyone and he didn't think he could take losing Sam like this. Didn't think he could take Sam looking at him like a stranger all the time.

He desperately wanted Alec to go away, to leave him alone. Problem was, telling Sam had set up a whole new problem for him. It made Alec real.

He couldn't deny the fact that he was Alec anymore, couldn't hide from it. It was there in Sam's expression and branded on the back of his neck. It was there in the memories that were floating just out of reach but would come to the surface soon.

Losing his dad and now this was to much to take. Ironic thing was, John may not have even been his dad. That was the real kicker. He had been nearly destroyed by the mans death and how he had died.

He lay there, exhausted and feeling empty and it still took him several hours more to fall into a restless sleep.

* * *

Sam wasn't sure what he should tell Dean. He was still freaked out, but after several hours of thinking and staring up at the stained ceiling of the motel room, he had calmed down some.

He realized that he may have hurt Dean a great deal with his reaction to the news, but he had been in shock. He also realized that, no, he did not want to find out what life had been like without Dean there. It was a first step at least. They could go from there.

He had sit up against the headboard when he realized that Dean had finally fallen asleep. He knew the only reason Dean had was because he had slept only a few hours in days. He was probably exhausted.

Sam was still thinking of what he should say to Dean when he woke up when Dean abruptly sat straight up in bed and looked over at Sam, eyes wide.

"I know what happened."

* * *

Okay, so I'm getting the next chapter out tomorrow if I can. Please don't be to hard on me for Sam's reaction. Dean just told him news that would shock anyone, and I don't think even Sam could accept news like that right off the bat.


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, the explanation is here in this chapter. Also, this is my last chapter. I thought this was going to end up longer, but I think this is a good ending chapter.

* * *

_Three years before, Terminal City..._

Alec was exhausted. Keeping TC running and keeping the cops and the assholes at the gate away along with keeping people from starving was a constant job and he had never been more tired in his life.

He had searched out one of the abandoned buildings earlier in the week and found a place that wasn't to disgusting to sleep. He was heading there now. Max had kicked him out and basically ordered him to get some sleep and truthfully he was grateful. He needed it.

Alec may have been exhausted, but he was still transgenic. He still knew that someone was in his room as soon as he cracked the door open. It might have been one of the others looking for a place, but he still tensed and opened the door cautiously. It might have been one of the others, but maybe not.

When he opened the door fully, his eyes focused on a man, sitting in the only chair in the room. He was an older man and definitely not transgenic. Alec stood in the doorway, tense. He took in the man, keeping his eyes on the mans hands.

"How the hell did you get in here." He asked.

"I am good at getting into places that most people can't." The man said vaguely.

"Uh huh." Alec said. "So, you decided to come here? Not really a smart move."

"Why, are you going to kill me?" Alec snorted and shrugged.

"If I don't there are others in here that will. Normals aren't really highly regarded around here." The man smiled slightly.

"I came to talk." He said. "And then I'll leave."

"Talk?" Alec said incredulously. "Trying to reach out?"

"My name is John Winchester." The man said.

"That's great." Alec said, rolling his eyes.

"I knew your mother." John continued, ignoring Alec's comment. Alec's mouth snapped closed at that and he stared at the man. Maybe he was crazy.

"Right. Except that's not possible, buddy. I don't know if your up on the news, but I don't have a mother."

"Oh, I know you were made in a lab and all that." John said, smiling a little. "But you did have a mother, and a father. Even if they were just donors."

"Okay, I'll play." Alec said, sitting on the arm of the old couch he had been sleeping on. "Who is my mother?"

"My wife was." John said calmly. "She was in the program. They paid her to be a surrogate." Alec was silent, staring at John, trying to figure out if the guy was lying or not. "When Mary and I got together, she told me about it." John continued. "We had another son but Mary never really got over losing you. I promised her that I would look for you. I promised her, you understand?"

"Your crazy." John shook his head.

"Maybe." John sighed. He had been alone for to long now, maybe it had driven him crazy, but he knew he was right about this. He checked his watch.

"Look, this wont matter in a few minutes." He said calmly. The spell would go off in just a few minutes. He had gotten a pretty powerful witch to perform it. He didn't like doing this, messing with someone's life like this, but he had promised Mary that if he found her first son, that he would take care of him, and leaving him here trapped in this city was not taking care of him.

He wondered briefly what this would do to Sam, how it would change his son. Sam was damaged, he knew that, and he knew that he was the reason. Maybe this would help him.

"What the hell does that mean?" Alec asked, bringing him out of his thoughts. John smiled sadly.

"This." He said as his watch counted the minutes. He knew when the spell hit, knew because Alec's eyes widened, and he slumped forward. John caught him and picked him up in a fireman's carry.

He had looked for a way to carry Alec out of Terminal City without being spotted before coming here and had successfully found one.

Once he got back in the Impala, he checked Alec over, smiling slightly when he found the barcode gone. John knew he couldn't call the boy Alec, that could trigger these memories. Alec groaned and sat up, blinking up at John.

"You alright, Dean?" John asked, calling him by the name that Mary had said she had always wanted to name the boy if she had been able to keep him.

"Yeah, I guess." Dean said, shifting so his head rested against the headrest. "What happened, dad?"

* * *

"Dad did this?" Sam asked, staring wide eyed at Dean. Dean nodded. "So, you really are my brother, just my half brother?" Sam asked, frowning.

"Yeah, I guess." Dean said. He had gotten most of what had happened from the dream. Sam nodded and stood up, heading for the bathroom.

"Oh, Dean." He said, turning back. "Just so you know. Even if you hadn't been, it wouldn't have mattered, not to me." Sam retreated into the bathroom after that, and Dean simply stared at the door for several minutes, and then a small smile came to his face.

He guessed it didn't matter that John had been the one to do the spell. It did hurt to confirm the fact that John wasn't actually his father, but he been getting used to that idea for a while now.

Besides, even if he wasn't John's real son, the man had to of cared for him, he had given up his soul to save him. So, maybe blood didn't matter. Maybe they were still a family despite that. Granted a very dysfunctional one, but still a family.

* * *

"Hello." Max said groggily. Her phone had woken her up from where she had fallen asleep in her office, across the desk.

"Hey, Maxie." Alec's voice filtered through.

"Dean." She said, sitting up, suddenly very alert. "Something wrong?" She asked, trying to keep her voice normal.

"I just called to tell you that I figured it out, what happened, I mean."

"Oh, what?"

"Doesn't matter." He said calmly, but she could hear actual remorse in his voice and she dreaded what he was about to say. "I called to tell you that I figured out what I'm gonna do, also."

"Oh?" Max said, closing her eyes. She knew the answer before he even said it.

"Yeah. I'm sorry Max, but I've got a job here. I can't leave my brother alone, especially not now."

"Maybe I could-"

"No." His voice came through forcefully. "You've got responsibilities there. You've got a family of your own. And, I'm neck deep in this shit, but your not."

"So, what? Your really saying goodbye this time."

"I guess I am. Sorry, Maxie."

"Me too." Max whispered into the phone as he hung up. She looked forlornly around the office, refusing to cry. She felt so weary, though. She had found and lost Alec three times over the past couple of weeks.

She sighed and started out of the room. Ale-no Dean was right. She had a family here, a life. She had to get on with it.

* * *

Sorry to those of you who were hoping for some Max/AlecDean stuff. I just don't think that Dean, even with the memories as Alec, would ever leave Sam alone. Hope the explanation about how this happened wasn't to stupid.


End file.
